Parent Tip: Motivation
The hardest thing to teach: motivation.
As you likely know, one of the hardest challenges for both teachers and parents is developing motivation in a student. Some kids are brimming with ideas and are ready to go, but other kids have a default first response of “I don’t know.” The latter, Pierre-like kids may be protective or unsure of their ideas, or have other reasons for their imperviousness. For whatever reason, they generally loathe writing.
Why is writing so hard, particularly for these kids? Well, for one, it’s not natural. It’s completely learned and requires a combination of original thought, memory and organization capacity, physical skill, and focus. All things that are hard won in childhood. Writing a good essay, story, or poem from scratch is not the equivalent of solving a defined math problem, but of inventing a new math question and solving it—beautifully. (Graphic organizers are more similar to answering a defined math equation.) The further the text is from an already defined form or pattern of thought, the harder the task. This is why writing scares so many people, even more than math, and particularly the Pierre kids. It’s so daunting that we, as a society, are slowly backing away from it, willing it to disappear from our list of tasks without anything bad happening.
This is, of course, facilitated by the evolving tech landscape. The growing pantheon of tech tools means that kids, understandably, see no point in improving their mechanics. The computer will solve all such problems for them, right? Meanwhile, some schools and testing companies are lowering the standards, which means many kids have even less motivation to master mechanics or basic argumentation.
If you are reading this blog post, you no doubt see the problem with abandoning writing altogether or ceding our thoughts to probability algorithms. So, how do you convince your unmotivated child to improve their writing?
Short-Term External Rewards
Yes, short-term external rewards work, to a point. Most kids want to get good grades and do well on tests. They want to get into the school with the writing test or essay questions to answer. But only to a point. Sometimes, even extremely bright kids are completely disenchanted with school, or operating in their own world, and fail to see the point of making the effort. Most kids will do the minimum work necessary to clear the bar, and even that will involve a lot of screaming, crying, cheating, etc. Alternatively, some bright students will pour huge amounts of work into mastering mimicry rather than developing their own critical thinking skills; unfortunately, this tends to be rewarded heavily in many schools and tests.
Long-Term Internal Motivation
If you think your child has the potential to think for themselves and write original ideas at length, but they lack motivation, take a look at their life to see where you can add depth. Mimicry arises from a shallow treatment of thought. Original thought requires depth. The good news is that adding more depth to your child’s life does not require Herculean effort or new worksheets. The list below has a few ways that you can build moments of reflection into your child’s life, but it’s far from exhaustive. You can probably think of many more that are suitable for your particular family. Our overall advice: aim for depth, and you will find your way.
Love words
When your kids are still small, watch our Play With Words videos, read Mother Goose compilations, read the original Grimms’ Fairy Tales, and generally read old books with depth to them. Avoid the new, shiny books with one-dimensional characters with pat answers to problems. Throughout their childhood, point out interesting turns of phrase or beautiful words that you’ve heard. Listen to recordings or live shows of great storytellers. Get caught reading! Share books that you love with them. Give your child the gift of an age-appropriate, moving poem on their birthday.
Discuss and debate ideas
Bring up ideas at the dinner table or in transit, and dig in. Talk specifically about truth. What is it? How do you know? What is true that day? Do your best to give your child meaningful writing assignments rather than empty prompts (if you are limited to what is assigned at a school and the quality varies, then help your child find an angle into the assignment that is provoking). Then, read your child’s writing and take it seriously. Discuss it at length. In particular, give your child praise and feedback on any of their efforts to seek the truth, regardless of whether their arguments’ claims are popular or convenient. Put it on the fridge. (Also, be honest if an assignment isn’t particularly engaging, and acknowledge when your child just has to buckle down and do something for external reasons.) If your children are Minecraft or Roblox addicts, talk about what they like about the video games they play and what’s behind what makes these games so appealing. Why do they feel true? What rings false? Why? Make your child present a convincing case for a new privilege (as age-appropriate), and debate their case in earnest. Point out their assumptions and how they may differ from yours; grapple with what is true together. If you write something or develop a presentation or talk, share it with your kids and ask them for their questions and feedback (as age-appropriate).
Model judgment tools
Essay writing is about far more than organizing information. It’s about developing insight based on analysis and judgment. Model your process out loud when you’re thinking through a question, situation, or analysis. When your child is older, ask them what questions you should ask yourself as you work through a problem. If you have a child who does not easily read other people, explain why you think a person is doing something and what might be going through their head to help your child make this a habit, too. (It’s easy to forget this, but it’s hard and off-putting to analyze a story about people if you don’t understand people.)
Write and treasure cards
If you’ve ever gotten a card or letter from someone that touched your heart, you know how powerful meaningful cards and letters can be. Make a habit of giving your children cards with long notes on their birthdays. Put deep thought into them, even if you’re not confident about your own writing. Let your children know that you’d also love to receive cards or letters from them. If you’re moved or touched by what they write, let them know. This habit can quickly become a virtuous cycle. Knowing that you can make your parents cry tears of happiness or laugh thanks to what you write is a powerful lesson that your words matter.
Learning strong mechanics is more likely to be responsive to external motivation, but the thought process and creativity inherent in longer-form writing beyond mimicry must be developed through internal motivation. No one—absolutely no one—can be forced to think. So, aim for adding depth to your child’s life and try small changes in the course of your everyday schedule, if possible, to help them develop a taste for being part of the world of ideas and beauty. Your child will still need to pick up the pencil and write at some point, and that will have its own challenges, but the first step is getting them to want to pick up the pencil.
